Gary Schwartz's Facebook profile


martha stewart eat your faberge heart out

Not too bad for a weekend's crafting... It was my first time, but jilly d was there to hold my hand...

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For the rest of the weekend's shananagans you can read what mistah j.mo had to say:)

something is very wrong here...

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it's official

how sad- it's not even halloween yet and the snow has already started.

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if you look really closely those white streaks in the background certainly would be snow flying on by.

i'm going to bed now- see you all in June.


A seasonal plague has (re)descended upon us.

They're small.

They're fury.

And they're absolutely uggly:
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I don't know who decided to blow the dust off the stockpiles of ugg boots and fill the stores for the apparently ugg-boot hungry masses... but what i want to know is ha-why? (thank you centex bank commercial last new year's)

Unless you're Bjork (or any other unfortunate individual that happens to live on a bit of ice and rock poking up out of far northern waters) or an Argentinean alpaca herder, there's no need to dress yourselves in raccoon and elk hide from the knee down.

I've never read the bible, but I'm sure ugg boots are right after that part about locusts.


Walking past Macy's this morning on my way to caffeinate I happened to notice this little window beauty:

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I can totally relate- up in the middle of the night, scantily clad and doing a little baking (as you do)... and then goddamnit- the whisk phone rings.



Anyone who has passed through South Station lately may have also noticed that every single spare inch of space has been taken over by ads for the Ipod Nano. It's beyond absurd- It's Nano's Gone Wild, the exclusive uncut dvd.

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Ok Apple- I get it. I'm sorry I ever owned a discman or thought CDs with liner notes and some artwork were nice to look at. You win- now can we have our train station back?

speaking of beans...

I came out of the gym today and there were people at Downtown Crossing wearing rocketman backpacks with hoses sticking out, holding little spray nozzles in their hands and a stack of cups. Well-mannered martians? Homeland Security spraying anthrax-be-gone? Or worse- film students from Emerson??

I nearly wet my pants when I saw they were offering samples of soymilk- original *and* chocolate. Naturally I had one of each.

I was really hoping they would still be there when I left work so that I could take a picture for y'all, but sadly they had already left.

But fear not, because just a few feet away from where they were was this:

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It was some sort of Ikea aquarium on wheels, complete with Ikea people inside, sitting on cheap Swedish furniture and sipping latte's. Who needs free soy-based beverages when you can have this kind of entertainment?

guatemalan killer beans...

CNN is currently featuring an article on Guatemala in its travel section, touting it as an up and coming destination with 'something for everyone...' From rainforests and ruins to volcanoes and old Spanish colonial cities etc.

In the interest of public health, I feel it's my duty to warn the would-be traveler of my near death exerperience involving rice and beans in Livingston, Guatemala.

I eat a lot. I'm always eating. And if it's vegan there's a 99.9% chance I'm going to inhale it whether I'm hungry or not. When traveling I look forward to trying all sorts of things and one of the best parts of trekking around Central America was being able to gorge on rice and beans three times a day.

So we're sitting in Livingston- Mojo is getting her hair braided (and girl has a lot of hair!) by a scary-ass woman with a fresh flesh wound on her forehead, complete with sewn-at-home- stitches. She had to have gotten hit in the head by a bottle... Maybe she hit herself with the bottle because she definitely was still drunk while braiding Mojo's hair. If it was a fight with someone else I would have hated to have seen the state of whoever it was that did that to her because she was one rough momma.

Anyways, I ordered rice and beans while I was watching the braid-a-thon and cleaned my plate as soon as it landed.

Fast forward to that night and the gut-wrenching cramps began. I've never sweated so much in my life. As I tossed and turned in bed, writhing in pain and wondering if it was ebola or dengue fever that had come to take me, I even thought I saw a person coming through the hole in the bathroom ceiling. In between bouts of exteme intestinal distress I felt like I kept blacking out. I've never been so sick-

That night I was nearly killed by a plate of rice and beans. I was convinced I wouldn't make it to morning. After a week of diligence in the shower, being extra careful not to get any water in my mouth... using Purell hand sanitizer every 15mins and not to mention the fact I was traveling with the queen of safe eating herself I was sure we I had it all sorted and would not have any issues with the welcome worm. Wrong!

Guatemala has 'something for everyone.' mmhmmm.. That's fo'sho.

pollo consado

So last night was one of those rare nights where I actually fall asleep quickly and then don't wake up every hour or two for any number of reasons- usually it's because John's Mom's deaf cat has no idea that walking across the piano in the middle of the night does indeed make a lot of noise.

But last night I slept for over nine hours... oh sweet bliss! Hopefully that will keep my TV-induced borderline narcolepsy from knocking me out before ER is over tonight, because I've really been enjoying this season. You have no idea how many movies I've only seen the first 45 minutes of before I uncontrollably pass out- and it's not just the bad ones that put me to sleep.

I'm still waiting for the day when I fall asleep on the commuter rail and wake up in Providence.

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my country 'tis of thee- sweet land of crap tv

About a month ago some rocket scientist at the gym decided it was a good idea to change every television in the place to show this hollywoodhasbeen ala humanhemorrhoid's tv show at 2 o'clock every day. (and yes, he's sitting on a friggin' vespa. could this be more wrong?)

every day.

Did I mention this was happening every day?

I was contemplating running backwards on the treadmill today just so I didn't have to see another retahded (for you lys) episode of 'so fun. so fresh. so tony.' so crap. so crap. so crap

Today, however, someone was smiling down on us and behold the sweet beauty of vh1's Love Crazed Celebs. I'm not much of a stargazer, that's for sure. In fact, most days I would be quite content to learn that hollywood imploded and all that was left was a charcoled Joan Rivers clutching to a few shreds of once-red carpet. (I've accepted the grim fact she's a permanent feature of all things Americana since she's had her blood pumped out and is now running on antifreeze)

I digress.

My point was today was the first Danza-free gym day in quite some time. Praise be and Amen- I've never been so happy whilst torturing my limbs.

I'd drink to that any day. Cheers clink.

until i know which end is up...

ok, well john's added a link from his blog to mine, so i guess that means it's showtime.... well, except for the fact i have absolutely no idea what i'm doing yet. it took me an hour last night to get a picture into my profile- that's about the speed i'm moving at ovah here.

so please go easy on me for a little while...




yes indeed it's time, dear internets....

for way too long i've let the bloggers pass me by... it only took 4 glasses of wine, but here we go :)