Gary Schwartz's Facebook profile


'tis the season

if memory serves, it was around this time one year ago that i sat down to blog about my post-hollywood-related-stress -disorder which inevitably bubbles to the surface when the oscarmoths circle round the self-important westbeverlybarebulb hanging from c.theron's left tata.

i'm a pretty simple guy, more or less predictable when it comes to all things consumable: beer, lighter than dark... wine- australian. music, independent... and movies, subtitled. i really don't do hollywood for the most part- mutli-million $ films that induce acid reflux in the first 15mins. more often than not, i'm gonna pass.

and then come the oscars, when hollywood eats a giant hollywood sandwich smothered in hollywood with a side of hollywood. all set to the tune of this redcarpetedcrotchetycrustmuffin:
Joan Rivers

it's the one time of year when the department of homeland security swoops in to raise the crispy-corpses-of-terror-o-meter from it's usual moderatedawnofthe deadmolestationprobable to elevatedburntsiennafleshtone/should have taken her out of the oven days ago-

you can imagine my deep dismay when joan rivers' oven stuffah roaster timer finally popped this year, and she's nowhere to be found on network tv.

insert sigh of relief (here). now if i could just get gwen stefani's turkeytimer to pop too- then we'd be livin lahge with both of my arch nemeses sent off to the giant perdue sanctuary in the sky...


snowstorm parking, dorchester style...

pretty typical after a storm:


definitely worthy of a special mention for best snow-related parking improv with a random household object:



big game corpricana

i really wasn't kidding in my last post when i mentioned there was a stuffed and mounted water buffalo bust in our conference room at work:


and a matching gazelle at the other end:


my buddhist/vegetarian/generally peace-lovin' self shudders a little once-upon-a-grassland-sigh every time i set foot into the room. i usually console myself with the faux rationalization that the the water buffalo is a rare tofudebeast and the gazelle a rather furry soybean by product... and if i look closely, turn my head to the side and squint with one eye i can see the little vermin-munching birds hopping about on their motionless heads. hours of entertainment in the usual mind-numbingly lifeless meetings. the idea of the owner hunting these poor things down and then shooting them and dragging their poor deflated shells back to boston doesn't do much for office morale, either. but the meerkats in HR haven't emerged from their burrow long enough for me to me mention that to them- it's hard enough to get my t pass from them every month. i fully expect to see the next mutually-decided-upon-was-been associate to appear stuffed and mounted as well. but that's something for the suggestion box in the kitchen, subject of my next 'yes i really work in a place like this' blog post.


if i had a tail, i'd be spinning in circles chasing it. (alternate title: i'll be camped out at the mailbox if anyone needs me)

in high school i ran into kristin hersh's music a la throwing muses and have been a fan ever since. without going gush-y, muses were fab. kristin's career as a solo artist has been unreal and her new band 50footwave gives whole new meaning to rocking out while de-dog hairing the entire house. she's *always* working on something new, music, touring, writing, photos...

last time froggie and i saw her in person we walked all the way home from cambridge to dorchester after the show because, well, it was just that kind of we-need-to-walk-home-type-bliss.

her blog and cashmusic.org bring it all front and center. if you send her an email, she writes back. it's kinda like i half expect to bump into her at the office copy machine tomorrow morning. (although i'd feel woefully unwell if she had to sit under the giant stuffed water buffalo in the 1st floor conference room- no one should ever have to sit there)

well, it all got upped a sabado gigante sized notch when this was posted. for a small bit of $ you get to pick any 10 kh or muses songs and she will record shiny new live versions just for you (along with a hello), sign the cd and mail it off. i'm sure it will be quite the scene when i'm wrapped around the mailman's leg on delivery day.

i don't sell anything- i'm pretty crap at sales in general and know it's best to steer clear. but if you don't know about kristin or what's she's up to, have a look/listen. the soundtrack to my days would be a sad brick of long expired astronaut ice cream without kristin in the mix. thanks k-




fancy a cup of tea?

yesterday i was at super88 poking around the piles of small pig-shaped new year's cakes, conveniently prepared and ready to eat chicken feet snack-packs, and every edible green you can imagine when i stumbled into aisle 9's tea-topia. the tea section is the only part of super88 that can rival the typical supermarket's requisite sugary breakfast cereal aisle in both overwhelming paralytical variety and mind-erasing packaging complexity. we're almost out of ginger tea, so i was wading around my own private jasmine-scented ginko-infused teaparty trying to decide which of the 1.2million varieties was gonna work when i found this:


potent man tea. watchoself- i've had my potent man tea this morning... i wonder- tea to increase male potency? or tea made from virile he-essence? i got so distracted by the packaging and then fumbling around to take a quick photo i completely forgot why i was there and it wasn't until i was loading the car with groceries that i realized i'd forgotten to buy tea.

happy superbowling...