Gary Schwartz's Facebook profile


oh roomba....

during an 11o'clock news commercial break, j.mo and i were both amazed to learn that roomba now has a mopping counsin called scooba. basically fatfuck americans that don't have the physical ability to touch their non-existent ankles really shouldn't be mopping and vacuuming anyways- all that pushing and pulling and heavy lifting.

the makers of roomba (and now scooba too) really are providing an invaluable community service to the american public. i salute you with this post.

thanks to this ingenius invention, millions of a american housewives have been liberated from the drudgery of crawling around their floors with an oldschool dustbuster. now they can finally get up off the floor and back on the couch while roomba and scooba happily circle around the house sucking up twinkie crumbs and fries:

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with easy to follow instructions and multiple random route maps to choose from:
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and don't forget the dedicated 24/7 non-english speaking customer care profressionals standing by:
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unwanted pets? no problem- roomba also comes with a pet removal feature for both cats-
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and dogs-
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and just in time, roomba sales have skyrockted in south dakota now that they've developed an 'unwanted child' disposal feature... just plunk the dear lil unwanted/unabortable morsel down on the floor and let roomba do the rest:
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oh roomba- you're the best.


john said...

that last bit is so wrong it's right ;)

mag said...

damn, the things i miss out by not living in the us

ElleStarr said...

If that's all it take to get my house wife ass up off the floor, sign me up for 2 each!

g said...

ah, another satisfied roomba customer... ;)