guatemalan killer beans...

CNN is currently featuring an article on Guatemala in its travel section, touting it as an up and coming destination with 'something for everyone...' From rainforests and ruins to volcanoes and old Spanish colonial cities etc.

In the interest of public health, I feel it's my duty to warn the would-be traveler of my near death exerperience involving rice and beans in Livingston, Guatemala.

I eat a lot. I'm always eating. And if it's vegan there's a 99.9% chance I'm going to inhale it whether I'm hungry or not. When traveling I look forward to trying all sorts of things and one of the best parts of trekking around Central America was being able to gorge on rice and beans three times a day.

So we're sitting in Livingston- Mojo is getting her hair braided (and girl has a lot of hair!) by a scary-ass woman with a fresh flesh wound on her forehead, complete with sewn-at-home- stitches. She had to have gotten hit in the head by a bottle... Maybe she hit herself with the bottle because she definitely was still drunk while braiding Mojo's hair. If it was a fight with someone else I would have hated to have seen the state of whoever it was that did that to her because she was one rough momma.

Anyways, I ordered rice and beans while I was watching the braid-a-thon and cleaned my plate as soon as it landed.

Fast forward to that night and the gut-wrenching cramps began. I've never sweated so much in my life. As I tossed and turned in bed, writhing in pain and wondering if it was ebola or dengue fever that had come to take me, I even thought I saw a person coming through the hole in the bathroom ceiling. In between bouts of exteme intestinal distress I felt like I kept blacking out. I've never been so sick-

That night I was nearly killed by a plate of rice and beans. I was convinced I wouldn't make it to morning. After a week of diligence in the shower, being extra careful not to get any water in my mouth... using Purell hand sanitizer every 15mins and not to mention the fact I was traveling with the queen of safe eating herself I was sure we I had it all sorted and would not have any issues with the welcome worm. Wrong!

Guatemala has 'something for everyone.' mmhmmm.. That's fo'sho.