Gary Schwartz's Facebook profile


the Big P(odunk)

from dictonary.com:
Podunk  /–noun
any small and insignificant or inaccessible town or village
[Origin: 1660–70, American; generic use of Podunk, village near Hartford, Conn.]
Dictionary.com Unabridged (v 1.0.1)Based on the Random House Unabridged Dictionary, © Random House, Inc. 2006.

clearly these people are referring to the site of the Big E. for the non-new englanders out there, the Big E is a giant country fair that lasts most of the month of september. we used to go when we were little kids- when things like cows and dodgy convict-operated rides were our allotted yearly intake of glitz and glam. it had been many years since i had gone, but this year my mum (who is finally feeling a little better) really wanted to go. and is anyone going to argue with a mum that has been through everything she's dealt with the past few months? i think not.

so j.mo and i headed off into the great beyond that is the western half of the state a couple of fridays ago. as we sat sandwiched betweened suv's in bumper to bumper traffic, the faint smell of manure in the air, it started to become clear what we were in for. a good ol' fashioned podunkfest. it might have been the woman knitting in the passenger seat of the tank behind us... or maybe it was the anti-gay marriage jesusfreaks standing by the entrance to the parking lot in all their denim-on-denim glory that gave it away. call me crazy, but things started to sour faster than a pint of straight-from-the-cow's-teat-left-out-in-the-sun-official-beverage-of-the-big-E before we even got started. poor j.mo- he had no idea what he was in for.

after trekking across the rv-peppered parking lot and bypassing the guy in the patriotic balloon hat we were in. the air was heavy with the scent of fried everything, most of it stuck onto skewer sticks. in fact, many of the people also seemed to have been battered and fried. it was a fine assembly of small-town americana. a clusterfuck of airbrushed t-shirts, army pants w/heels, mullets, kids on leashes and us, the two gay vegans from the city. i think the part that scared me most was how close all this was happening to home. i was also a little scared of the huge bbq turkey legs.

let's see some pics...

that's right- 'home' of the denim shirt:
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nothing like a little flash of elf tata's to keep the morning humming along:
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and for those who hadn't seen enough pork-on-parade:
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and these were everywhere... for those who would normally just go straight from goatstrokin at the petting zoo to fried dough:
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shortly after all of this john retreated to his dark place and refused food and water the rest of the day. i think he still may be recovering. i have to say, though- the day wasn't a complete wash... my parents were having a good time and my sister and nephew showed up later in the day too. and i know that just being together was what my parents wanted, so mission accomplished. we got to play a few games with my nephew and risked life and limb on a couple of rides.

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by far the higlight of the day was when my dad (affectionately known as big g) walked up to a rather large woman selling cowboy hats and belts. she was wearing a raccoon hat and D-lux silkscreened t shirt featuring a wolf and waterfall scene au natural.

here's exactly what he said, no joke:

' you know something-? you look just like that wolf on your t shirt.' he then scurried off and did a little dick-van-dyke-jump-up-in-the-air-and-click-your-heels-together-routine. it was the most fabulous thing we saw all day.

so that was the trauma that was the big E... forever renamed the big P(odunk). needless to say, we won't be returning.

otherwise, things have been good- just super busy. school is in full swing and i've got more groupwork and projects than i can shake a cattle prod at. somewhere in there we also had froggie and avery come to town, which was so much fun:

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and this past weekend we went back out to western massachusetts (gasp!) and enjoyed a lovely new england autumn day of hiking and cider donuts and lesbian watching in northampton. we did have a moment of uncomfortable silence as we passed the exit to the big E and both re-lived a few moments of sheer terror as flashbacks of corndogs and spandex and salsa makers with 'samuri blades' streaked by.

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alrighty- that's all i've got for now. hope everyone is doing well :)(:


shel said...

is it just me, or is your nephew almost as tall as audrey?

g said...

yeah- she's a lil'un