Gary Schwartz's Facebook profile


kentucky fried sparrow

i'm trying *real* hard to shake this case of BDD (blogging deficit disorder) that has landed ever since the proverbial (domestic) shit hit the fan last week. (2 weeks tops and they'll be advertising a drug for this condition on TV.) it also probably wasn't the wisest of times to kick the stahbies habit either- but it was coming down to a choice between overpriced soy lattes and car insurance. i've just had zero energy for anything beyond the bare essentials of showering, eating, and showing up to drool on myself at work for a few hours a day.

up, up and away.

so today i was walking over to the o-b-g-y-m when i happened to notice a little sidewalk sumtin-sumtin:

Image hosted by Photobucket.com

a non-descript sparrow hopping into and out of a half-mangled KFC container that missed the trash bin.

but then it happened- and i saw it. oh the sheer horror of watching this small bird pecking at the remnants of a chicken bone in the KFC box. at first i thought maybe the little fellah was looking for some leftover fry-bits. or perhaps he had a hankering for some of the colonel's secret blend of eleven herbs and spices and was looking for some straycrispybatterflecks.

or maybe the little fucker was just chowing on some chicken.

i don't know- i could very well be slipping down insanity hill, but isn't it wrong to see a sparrow eating fried chicken...?? a fellow winged creature- plucked and battered and fried and being devoured by another bird?

Image hosted by Photobucket.com

and topping other animal related news...

boston.com has had this article floating around now for a few days. some tahd in new mexico thought it would be a good idea to capture a poor little mouse in his house and then incinerate it in the backyard with the rest of the crap from his lawn. instead the mouse, fur ablaze, ran back into his house and the whole thing caught fire and burned down.

one word: karma.

good luck to you mistahmousetorcher... when you're reborn as a battery chicken and spend your days unable to turn around in your 3"x3" cage stacked 20 high and end up in the colonel's evil clutches as a bucket of honey bbq popcorn pieces... only to spend your final hour being pecked at by an unremorseful sparrow on washington street.

when j.mo and i lived in hull we definitely had a mouse issue, especially once it got cold out. and while miss blimpers was quite adept at catching them, all she ever wanted to do was play with them all night- ensuring no one slept. many a night did we get up, put the cat in the bathroom and move furniture around until one of us caught the mouse under a tupperware container and then took it outside and let it go. on one notably snowy and windy night after said mouse was captured i didn't have the heart to toss it out into the roaring blizzard. instead i got dressed and walked outside in the blinding snow to let it go in the boathouse downstairs- where it was assured a comfie and warm night's sleep (and easy repeat access to our upstairs apartment whenever it chose to visit again.)

ain't no flamin' mouse burning this house down. :)


alyssa j said...

In my post-10pm stupor, I mistakenly read the title of your post as "Kentucky FIELD sparrow," and thought to myself that you had really gone off the deep end and had taken up bird watching.

g said...

tweet tweet
Dr Garold Schmortz, PhD N. American Bird Spotting

john said...

g, you are fucking hysterical :)

mag said...

hmm....we just found a dead mouse in the kitchen this afternoon. must be the mouse poison finally kicked in. um, wonder what's gonna happen to us now. if you don't hear from me for a while, or never again, well, you know i was beaten up by a mouse.

g said...

bound in gagged in the trunk of a mousemobile..


chixie said...

ha ha!

there was a mouse in my apt in chinatown (that mostly everyone on this blog stayed at at least once.) we named him petey. he wasn't as bad as the 3 huge, aging, queens who used to smoke pot in the hallway. you CANNOT get rid of them.

g said...

you mean you don't have a can of queen-be-gone under the sink?? i also have a pocket sized one on my key-chain... comes in handy for the trolls at the gym- one squirt to the eye and they are reduced to a small bundle of judy garland 8-tracks.

chixie said...

ha ha! i probably did but i kind of liked that they always called me "gorgeous!" when i came home. i could have used some recently for a flight attendant. it probably would have required the extra strength version, "bitter queen-be-gone...now with added attitude dissolvers."

g said...

why you don't have your own blog is beyond me, chixie... ;)