ok, this post practically wrote itself...

while grazing on my lunch today i was poking around my usual websites for news. i came across an article on boston.com about a toddler in missouri who had been missing for two days and had just been found in the woods, 3 miles from home. 'ah, poor kid' i thought to myself as i clicked on the link expecting to read about the nearly-devastated parents and the tearful reunion with the munchkin-at-large...

'Joshua had slipped out of his family's mobile home' (ok, first red flag= home with wheels) 'near Arcadia in rural southeast Missouri' (is that a banjo i hear?) 'around 11:30 a.m. Monday, while his father slept and his mother talked on the phone.' (uhm, clearly mom and dad were too busy 'at work' to notice their only child had grown bored with putting pennies in the toaster and taken off)

'Terry Schulte, the boy's grandmother, told KSDK-TV that Joshua told her he was on his way to visit her. She lives about five miles from his home' (of course, every 3 year old i know calls their grandma and announces they're about to hop in the car and drive the 5 miles over for a visit)

'The Missouri State Highway Patrol brought in planes. The state Water Patrol brought in divers and sonar. Dozens of dogs, horses, ATVs and even donkeys...' (yes, even donkeys. missing child? better send in the child recovery ass brigade)

good god, could this get any better?

dad, your thoughts? 'I'm going to put him up for the Grizzy Adams Award, send him bear-hunting with a stick' (of course you are)

ok, maybe the doctor who evaluated him has some insight on the situation? 'The boy has been asking for milk and hot dogs since his rescue'

of course he has, missing the comforts of his double-wide parenting-free home, no doubt. i couldn't make this up if i wanted to. unreal.