shots rang out...

apparently capitol hill is under lockdown at the moment- gunfire may have been heard a little while ago...


anyone know where our sharpshootin' vice pres is? that would be the first office i'd be checking...

it's ok though- Sergeant Pickle is on it:
'Senate Sergeant at Arms Bill Pickle told Reuters there were no reports of any arrests or injuries. '

Now we're just awaiting the all clear from General Gherkin.

thirsty

it's too early to be fucking with my day, people...



the friggin' cleaning people threw out my water bottle. don't they know our mortgage only allows for two new water bottles a month? june is still a week away.

i'm either gonna have to rob my office's uglyass yoda-soda fund:



or i'm going to have to settle for dixiecup H2O shooters all day.

maybe i'll just skip the usual 3 litres of water a day routine and replace every single drop of it with coffee. j.mo- prepare the sedetives for my arrival this evening :)

un mot/a word

later this summer i have to take a language proficiency test so that grad school knows for sure i possess the necessary language skills to order up a plate of soy'cargot should i find myself peckish and stranded à paris anytime soon.

i have my BA in french but since graduating more than 6 years ago it's been about as useful as that foot long shoe horn they sell at ikea (i know you've seen it too). so since i have to prove my linguistic worthiness i'm trying to surround myself with as much francophilia as i can stomach- music, books, newspapers, movies etc. once upon a time there was a practical purpose behind learning french. i was sure that at some point i was headed to west africa with the peace corps- i figured knowing french would be handy just in case i was abducted by rebels and felt it advantageous to barter for my life... or on the off chance i needed to explain the size and color of the rabid monkey that had just mauled me.

despite going through the rather tedious application process (complete with fingerprinting) and being assigned to the ivory coast, i didn't go in the end thanks to a promotion and some family stuff.

so my french has been gathering dust ever since.

over the weekend i was reading le monde and came across a word that made me giggle. i don't know why, it just sounded funny. and ever since, at random moments it's been popping into my head. superpuissance.

superpuissance- (noun) literally translated as 'superpower'...
pronounced su-PAIR-pweeee-saunce.

when said out loud it sounds like a million things other than the word for 'superpower.' it conveys more of a 'i'm a weathered old french madame, smoking my ubertoxic gaulois cigarette and walking my obnoxious foiegrasfedsweaterwearingminidog on the left bank, waiting for him to take his daily superpuissance right in the middle of the sidewalk.' the whole concept of post-pet cleanups hasn't exactly caught on, so sidewalksuperpuissances are a daily hazard.

while i'm killing the last hour of the work day babbling about french... i also love that the french had to come up with a new word for supermarket. supermarché just didn't cut it anymore. we need something bigger- something better... something with that certain je ne sais quoi...

and thus was born l'hypermarché.

i'll be right back, j.mo- just got to run down to the neighborhood hypermarket for some stankcheese and stale bread...


eeeeeehhhhhh mon dieu, la lune.... she is zee finest superpuissance in zeee galaxie...

rested

ahhhh.... this was my first weekend since january without having to work on saturday, no paper (or papers) due, no 200 pages to read, and no trip to connecticut to apply larger than life bandaids at the very source of my doomsdaygenepool. on the *really fun* weekends the past few months i would have had all 4 to deal with in the span of 48hrs. i have no idea how j.mo managed to refrain from chopping me to bite-sized morsels and sending me down the supahsonicgahbagedisposal4000 one soybean at a time....

toward the end of the semester i felt like i was starting to unravel a bit- not sleeping too well, constantly exhausted and completely uninterested in anyone/anything other than bed. but things have slowed down considerably at work, school is done for a while and the parental units are in the process of getting themselves sorted.

this weekend was awesome- not because of some groundbreaking new experience or weekend getaway to somewhere distant... we got to spend the whole weekend together at home and slept late both mornings. i feel like i just got back from a two week vacation :) some of the highlights included buying a nice new 30 gallon fish tank, this film (which has now led me to believe we not only need asian babies, but they also need to be french-speaking asian babies... oh yeah- and we need them real soon). otherwise it was a lot of cooking and cleaning and laundry and just lounging.

the weather this weekend was absolutely crazy- friday j.mo and i got soaked during the 10 minute walk to the supermarket. the sky just opened up and it was all thunder and lightning and pouring rain, which naturally was all done as we got home. saturday was gorgeous and we went to castle island for a lovely bit-o-exercise along the ocean:



and then all that sunny nice-ness turned into a black sky on sunday:

complete with another thunderstorm, 20 degree drop in temperature and a whole lotta hail.

this spring can be officially diagnosed as having multiple personality disorder. it's hot, it's cold, it's hailing, it's raining for 10 days... i was so not made for new england ;)

man the pumps

if god told pat robertson...

and then pat proclaimed it on the 700 club...

and then MSNBC decided to inflate it to newsworthiness...

it has be the real deal:

http://msnbc.msn.com/id/12851397/?GT1=8199

remember playing telephone when you were a little kid? and someone would start by whispering something silly to the first person and then they would turn to the person next to them and 'pass it on'? and fifteen 6 year olds later, by the time it got to the end dolly parton was the first president of brazil to have a peanut allergy.

pollen, oh my pollen

so after our recent 10 day monsoon season finished all of the flowers, trees and grass are going crazy and pumping pollen out into the air like there’s no tomorrow. even with an allergy pill yesterday i still felt like i had sandpaper eyes all day. funtimes.

i more than understanding when we’re all packed onto the T in the morning and people need to sneeze and/or blow their nose. not the most pleasant of experiences when you’re wedged between a copy of the metro and your neighbor’s dandruff-flecked shoulder, but hey- at that point, what’s a little spritzing of airbornemucasbits?

but why? Why why why? why must people insist on blowing their nose and then opening up the kleenex to gaze at it? i don’t get it- are they malnourished and considering their masstransitsnackingoptions? it happened twice this morning and I’m only on the T for 15 minutes. it’s snot people, get over it. there’s plenty more where that came from. what is there to see in there?

little dancing penguins?


Re-runs of the view?

!ai chalupa!

sorry for my absence the past three weeks. but duty calls and i've had my hands full patrolling the US-Mexico border. i can't wait for my 6,000 reinforcements to arrive- that big river, the fence, miles of barbed wire, all those dogs... it just wasn't cutting it any more.

in the meantime, here's a little something worthy of bloggin :)(:

click here for a date with el taco rosado

did i miss something?

when was eva longoria launched into orbit? and more importantly- who else can we blast off?

uh-oh

i really don't feel like working today, so i thought i'd drop by for a little extraearlyafternoonbloggersdelight.


(that's me checking my list of missing passengers and wondering if there's any ketchup left in the fridge for dressing up my leftover lunch/veggie burger.)

it's probably not a big deal that i don't feel like running on my wheel today because i get the feeling this place is going to be for sale on ebay soon. the airlines are all going hog wild since oil prices are up (again). that means they can all raise their already ridculously high fuel surcharges (again). lufthansa tops the list right now at $180 for a roundtrip ticket from the US to Europe via Frankfurt. that doesn't include any of the other $100-something in taxes they add on or the actual cost of the ticket, which often is now a mere fraction of the taxes and fuel surcharges.

only way to avoid those nasty fuel surcharges is to opt for the engine seat. but really- all that noise and soot?



despite the fact that people are finally flying as much/more than pre 9/11, this extra money the airlines are raking in seems to be going to the great big warehouse in the sky with all the lost luggage and onceuponatimeairlinemealservice- does not compute, does not compute. clearly there are just too many airlines being bailed out too many times with government money. i say cut 'em loose and let's see who is left after the dust settles.



so back to my original point, we're probably not long for the world at this point, which quite honestly is fine by me. i'd love to collect unemployment for a while and tear through school as quickly as possible.

big money no whammies, papa's looking for a pink slip!

alrighty- work-related ranting over. file it all under de-funct:

!!yay!!

congrats on being accepted to grad school mags! once we coordinate our schedules so we are taking some classes together, we'll have to get matching A-Team lunchboxes for our big arm-in-arm debut.

:)(:

last night a chickpea saved my life

mira, what a weekend.

i think we covered pretty much everything (im)possible in the span of the past 48hrs. parental calamity, a paper on language stereotypes, grocery shopping (twice), a couple of episodes of the facts of life, inflating the aerobed, several loads of laundry, deflating the aerobed... well, you get the picture- a schizophrenic soybean's big adventure.

but for the better part of today (sauf the brief food delivery to hyde park today which included j.mo's momma bringing 3 days worth of junkmail downstairs that she was 'scared to open' and sideshownanaphyllis so completely confused that she forgot she was confused over why anyone would think she should move into a nursing home) anyways, like i was saying- the better part of today was spent right here at our new place. and for the first time it felt like i was finally just hanging out at home. we just stayed put all day- it was gray and rainy out (ie almost May) and we were both beyond exhausted. i also had quite a bit of schoolwork to keep my ass anchored to the floor under the weight of the laptop (shut up, lys ;), but it was the perfect combo for a day spent at home. home, home, home. yes it's real. and no, citimortgage still hasn't turned up to take it all back.

last night a chickpea (or 40) saved my life- we had the most amazing indian dinner with the best little crew of peeps- so much fun, so much damn fine food and so much wine. it was the perfect complement to the otherwise trying/mildly traumatic marathon day that had just unfolded. j.mo's expose on the topic covers it all, so thankfully i don't have to-

as a side note- i just did a google image search for 'chickpea' so i could post a randomlyappropriate photo here. apparently the 10 pages of chickpeaporn google managed to roundup from the web couldn't possibly be enough to satiate my veganproteinimagingneeds, because under the first page of photos was this innocent suggestion:

Did you mean to search for: chicken

oh google, your beady little satellite eyes really do see/know *everything* yes, i confess- i really was looking for a nice juicy chicken shot- preferably all splayed out in jilly d's crockpot. my veganways have led me astray and once again google has shown me the path.

ok- i'm rambling. soon work will die down and school will be over until the next round in july. things are bound to calm down a little on the familyfront as well(knock on wood, toss some salt, hail mary)- big g is doing better tonight and mum has her surgery tomorrow- big money, no whammies. so once it's all good in the hood i'll get back to regular posts. in the meantime you're gonna get the occasional snipit from legumesgonewild vol2 and other random notes of sleep deprivation.

before i stop pretending to ignore the bed that is demanding some attention, i'd like to remind j.mo that he simply is my pb&j on whole wheat. and thank you everyone else for not leaving me to be raised by wolves- i've got some amazing friends that keep me humming on along, even whilst kneedeep in all things unpleasant, stressful and just plain 'ol tiring. and for that i am eternally grateful.

goodnight & biglove,

g

heeeeeeeerrrrrreeeeee's johnnie....

ah, the wonder that was a glass of faux wine (2006 vintage) at the neighborhood supermarcado :)

what a goofball... but oh my god i love him ;)

down a well...

mornin'

i have the day off today so i can wander around the house in circles, grab random objects, throw them in boxes and pray nothing breaks.

i can't believe i didn't blog my porkthemedtreasurefind from south carolina a few weeks ago:



only thing that could make it better would be a discreetly placed confederate flag on the pig's hat. i think everyone should have a piggly wiggly mug, so don't be surprised if for your next birthday you end up sipping a little celebratory sumtin-sumtin outta one of these beauties...

alright- since i've only packed two boxes and we're moving *tomorrow* i suppose i should get back to it. hopefully my bojo (blogginmojo) will be rescued from the well it's fallen into and it will be bidness as usual soon...

everbody now: signed, sealed, delivered- we're broke...

so it's a done deal- it's all ours. i still half expect someone to show up tonight while we're there cleaning to let us know that it was all a cruel joke and we have 10mins to leave the building before they call the cops ;)

5.30am today i was wide awake... trying to figure out where the royal guilded spice rack will land in the new kitchen. clearly it's going to be a long-ass work day.

this afternoon will be the ceremonial final stahbies run- with our sabadogigantemortgage payment mere weeks away, something's gotta give- and $4 soy lattes are first on the list.

still, i couldn't be happier- it's amazing what j.mo and i can do when we put our minds to it. stay tuned for more photos!

happy friday-

g

taking care of bidness...

if anyone knows how to throw together a protest, it's the french. in fact, i wonder if these recent immigration legislation protests around the US would even be happening if it wasn't for all the media coverage of events around france.

there's nothing i love to see more than people taking matters into their own hands- what better way to get your point across than peacefully gathering en masse and slowing things down to a crawl- trains, airports, schools etc. (of course we won't talk about the headache this is going to cause me while covering the after-hours emergency beeper at work...)

regardless, i say rock on france. maybe when you're done reforming your labor laws you can lend us a hand with our endless list of problemes rouges.


not my first choice transportation method, but hey- whatever works.

oh man, they figured it out...

and to think us vegetarians thought ourselves so clever, inserting our whole grain propaganda into the unassuming minds of the youth of missouri while stepping on cattlemen's hooves... oh the agony we've caused.

read all about it here...

are these senators for real? shouldn't all levels of government be concerned with oh, i don't know- iraq? immigration? healthcare? instead they're going to get all upset because test prep materials mention that people should eat grains and that eating meat increases saturated fat consumption and may lead to heart disease? hhhmmmmm- they're both members of a trade group for cattle ranchers as well.

i would have never guessed.

politics X money = hamburgers for the masses = billions for the healthcare industry

reset
rewind
repeat

awake again (alternate title: not without my mixer)

today was an exciting day- everyone's favorite resident tortoise, mr hamptonio tortuga (you can call him hampton) shook off the hibernation sleepies and dug his way out of the barrel of dirt in the cellar that he's called home for the past 4 months.

after a long warm bath he was patted dry and returned to his familiar hood- slowly he crawled over to where his 100watt 'sun' is shining and promptly went back to sleep. he'll probably stay there for a few days while he shakes the post-hibernation narcolepsy and his little body warms up... then the morning salads and mashed sweet potato floodgates will open :)

welcome back, hampy... (shhhhh! zzz... zzz... zzz...)



topping other news. i packed my first box tonight. j.mo has already done quite a few- with school and whatnot i was a little slow to join in, but damn it felt good. naturally one of the first things i packed was my 200lb kitchenaid mixer. sally field had no fucking idea what she was on about with the whole 'not without my daughter' crap. it's mixers first, then women and children (if there's room).

i feel a little guilty that i've been neglectful in my regular posting duties- things were chuggin' on along with work and school, wrapping up things with our new home and getting ready to move etc when we got some news that put everything in a familialtailspin and blogging (along with many other regular activities like sleeping soundly) went out the window. my mum has breast cancer. barely twelve months ago we found out my dad had bladder cancer- what are the chances of two lots of crap luck like this? well, actually- my family leans a little heavy on the 'are you fucking kidding me?' factor even when they're all in more or less fine form. but still- this is a bit much.

so the past two weekends j.mo and i have been down in ct spending time with my parents. there's really not a ton we can do for them, but just spending time together feels like the right thing to be doing now. all of the test results will be in by mid-week, so just a few more days of waiting and then we'll know the extent of situation and the dr's can come up with a treatment plan.

i love my parents to death and there's nothing more important to me than my family. it took a while for this all to sink in- i had immediately switched into caretaker mode and really didn't give myself a chance to react until friday night, at which point i became a blubbering mess while assembling lasagna. (i can cook/eat my way through just about anything ;) i guess i'm a little more scared about this whole thing than i thought i would be at first.

but i have all the faith in the world that she'll be ok in the end and we will all figure out how to deal with it together. there's no other potential outcome in my mind, so we're just all gonna have to run with that, ok?

so here's to my mum- and to getting through whatever it is that's around the corner. you've certainly got a fine crew of cheerleaders in the stands, if i may say so...



all our lovin'
g&j

melt my butter...

here's a couple more pics from last weekend... i finally got around to getting them off the camera and onto the computer this morning and j.mo's gonna put them all online later today...

tiny little heartbreakers

howdy innernets...

j.mo and i returned home yesterday from our little southern adventure to see this crew. it was awesome to spend time with lys and her girls... south carolina is so much better than texas.

and all i can say about syd and morgan is that they are the two most beautiful little munchkins you could ever imagine.

sydney:


morgan:




thank you ladies for such a wonderful long weekend. i think j.mo and i both returned home completely sold on the whole 'we're going to be parents one day' thing. signed, sealed, delivered- it's a done deal. well, it will be once we figure out how to get j.mo pregnant.

so other than gushing over the lil'uns... the rest of the weekend was good fun- the weather was gorgeous and around 80 and sunny the whole time. we hit up the zoo, gymboree class, the playground and several of columbia's grocery stores (fixin's for our all out foodorgy). the zoo was lovely, as was the playground. but gymboree will haunt me forever. most of the mothers seemed normal enough (in that southern kinda way). but there was this one freakshow straightfromthetrailer deal with her two kids. shuddah-shuddah. beyond her nasty hair and big dirty toenails.... beyond the god awful southern twang mixed with her attempt to speak to her baby in french (why?)... beyond all that- she was sitting on the gymboree mat in some sort of jumper creation that exposed her hillbillychocha to any/everyone else on the mat. three words:

what
a
mess.

that was the bulk of the trauma for the weekend, our close encounter of the cooterkind. we had some issues getting home yesterday. we checked in at o'dark hundred in columbia- first the self check in machines wouldn't work and then the woman who helped us only gave us boarding passes as far as Atlanta, instead of all the way to Boston. when i asked her why she got all flustered and said we'd have to check at the gate. sensing we were going nowhere fast (and i had also skipped coffee, holding out for stahbies) we went and got in line for security. while j.mo went to the bathroom i explained at the gate that for some reason the deltachimp who checked us in couldn't give us boarding passes for Atlanta-Boston. Took about 5 seconds to find out our flight was canceled and not only did she not know how to help us but she didn't even tell us that was what was happening.

i-heart-delta.

whatever- we get on our flight, at least knowing now that when we get to Atlanta we have been reconfirmed via Washington and need to have our tickets fixed up. fine. whatever- so we are gonna arrive late and have to make an extra stop.

20 mins into the 40 minute flight from columbia to atlanta everyone starts looking around at each other as we notice the distinct odor of burning aircraft. and we're not talking about a barely noted quick waft- this was a full-on 'i wonder how many minutes of my life are left before this heap of datedmetal and badcarpet ceases to be delta flight 822 and becomes a redhot fireball screaming toward atlanta.' i'm not a nervous flying guy... that made me nervous.

whatever- we lived to tell. and we managed to get out of atlanta on a non-stop flight to boston in the end, so it all worked out ok. well, ok until we got home and found john's mum as sick as she always is after we return from a nice relaxing trip away somewhere. funtimes while they lasted ;)

we've got tons more pics- just have to get them off of the camera, so stay tuned.

oh my rack...

the guilded royal spice rack arrived today.



i nearly had an orgasm at work when i opened it. it's so much bigger than i thought it would be (that's what he said!)...



i'm gonna be like one of those ghettonans that keeps the plastic on the couch with this baby...