after sleeping in i went jogging, hoping i might be able to out-run the remnants of the previous two days. but at the 5-mile mark i more or less gave up and instead sat in the shade, watching the world go by at castle island.
about two weeks ago my grandma got sick and ended up in a nursing home after a brief stay at the hospital. things started to settle down a bit and she began adjusting to her new home and eagerly started exercising, eating well, etc all with the motivation of getting better enough to move back to her apartment. so after we went and visited her and saw how high her spirits were and how determined she was to get back to her own home and her routine, i was feeling pretty optimistic that things would work out the way she wanted.
until she got sick again (this time with pneumonia) and wound up back in the hospital. j.mo and i went to see her on saturday and sunday- i'm so grateful that we got to spend some time together, because it's becoming quite clear that she won't be here much longer. on saturday it was so hard not to cry when she said she wanted to see grandpa and her sisters and that she was just ready to go.
for her sake i do hope things peacefully wind-down and she drifts off in the middle of a real good dream. we were there yesterday as she was moved back to the nursing home and made all her wishes known re: just being kept comfortable with no heroic measures or return trips to the hospital. she looked so small and tired in that big bed, but certainly didn't let on if she was feeling less than stellar.
since i was little i've always been close to my grandma- we've spent a lot of time together. she's always made it a point to know what i'm up to, where i'm going, and how i'm doing. even when i was away in australia, she never failed to send at least a letter every month... and we talked on the phone nearly as often so she could fill me in on all the important stuff like what was happening on ER. i've always loved her no-nonsense approach to everything, these days becoming her last chapter included. she's lived on her own for a long time and did everything exactly the way she wanted. when she met john the first time she understood it all and never asked a single question- he was instantly added to her big 'ol list of grandkids.
so i guess i've just been a little sad today. remembering the things i love about her so much and not being able to imagine what must be on her mind right now. i'm going to miss her, both as my grandma and as one of my closest friends. i hope the rest of her time here is as good to her as she has been to all of us.
2 comments:
you've got a good heart g - the world certainly needs more people like you.
ty-
i love you... froggie
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