marriage*

i never imagined that in my lifetime i'd be able to get married. well, i did briefly entertain the idea of moving to the netherlands to marry jan voorstoot- but really... all those endless hours in wooden clogs? so for all intents and purposes, i really didn't expect to ever get married.

fast forward to 2006 and here i am in massachusetts, married to john. and regardless of whether or not our marriage is legally sanctioned, i know that the bond we share, the love that fills our daily life- this is what makes us partners & best friends for the long haul. call it a marriage, a domestic partnership, a civil union... or refuse to call it anything at all. at the end of most days, all of these words, political rhetoric and inability to value what we have for what it is- none of this really matters to me.

but when it does start to matter is when i leave work and see all the people in front of the state house- half of them on my side and the other half of them making a scene over something that really has no bearing on their lives. how does my being married to john effect you odd people in any way, shape or form? do i care how you live? would i ever comment on who you decide to spend your life with? no, i don't and would never- it really couldn't matter less to me. and in fact, if i can be all american for a moment or two, isn't that what this place is all about? you do your thing and i do mine- and as long as no one is doing anyone harm then isn't it all good?

so today i felt eternally grateful for the people that were out in front of the state house making sure gay marriage is here to stay. because while i may not have ever made the effort to get out there and ask for it myself, i certainly was happy to start planning my own wedding when it all happened in 2003. and now that i can say i'm married i'm really not all that sure i want someone to mess with my life- withmy feeling of being married just like every other married couple. and i want my kids to know that what their dads share is *nothing less* than what every other married couple shares. for me i think it comes down to an issue of respect. before marriage was an option for me, i didn't feel any overwhelming need to try and identify with it since we simply were not welcome to participate. but now that three years of same-sex marriage have passed in massachusetts, i'm not about to give up what we've gained. we're married- just like thousands of other couples in this state, gay or straight. it really isn't up to our representatives or the people to re-decide what marriage is.